Women’s faults are many,
Men have only two–
Everything they say,
And everything they do.

To the men I’ve loved
To the men I’ve kissed
My heartfelt apologies
To the men I’ve missed.

One must not become attached to animals: they don’t last long enough. Or to men: they last too long.

Man is the only animal that laughs, drinks when he is not thirsty, and makes love at all seasons of the year.

Man is somewhat like a sausage,
Very smooth upon the skin;
But you can never tell exactly
How much hog there is within.

I’ll drink to the gentleman who I think
Is most entitled to it;
For if anyone ever can drive me to drink
He certainly can do it.

Here’s to you, Mister
Whoever you may be.
For you’re just the man of the evening,
And nothing more to me.

Here’s to man–he is like a coal-oil lamp; he is not especially bright; he is often turned down; he generally smokes; and he frequently goes out at night.

Here’s to God’s first thought, “Man!”
Here’s to God’s second thought, “Woman!”
Second thoughts are always best.