“Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.”
– Homer

“Beer, the cause of, and solution to all of life’s problems.”
– Homer Simpson

“I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.”
– Homer Simpson

Our Lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home
As it is in the pub
Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive
Us our spillages, As we forgive those who
Spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver
Us from hangovers. For thine is the beer,
The bitter, the lager.
Forever and ever,

– Anonymous

“Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.”
-David Moulton

“Beauty is in the eye of beer holder”
– Kinky Friedman

“Remember “I” before “E”,except in Budweiser.”
-Anonymous

“If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.”
-Jack Handy

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
-by Jack Handy

“Put it back in the horse!”
-H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the ’30s-’50s, after he drank his first American beer at a bar.